Talking To Kids About War

" My wife explained that Iraq is not a state, but another country. This led to a number of other questions: "Why are they fighting?

" And finally, in a very round-about way, she came to the real question: "Are we safe?" Unless you live in a sealed vacuum, your kids know there's a war on.
The war is everywhere. Just as with the news coverage of the terrorist attacks of 9/11, the coverage is wall-to-wall. Local news stations aren't covering local news; regular programming is preempted with speculation and commentary.
The visuals, the bombs, the strident music, are not lost on them. They absorb these things, and wonder about them, and formulate explanations - and questions. The news chanenls are pumping wall-to-wall coverage into your home because it will raise their ratings. Things that make us tense and fearful boost ratings, and thus boost profits.

They will not stop; the likleihood is that they will do more, with little regard or respect for the impact that the coverage might have on kids.

So it is up to parents to take control of the TV and protect their kids from excessive exposure, and it is up to parents to answer the questions and calm the fears. I'll never forget hearing about the child of a man who worked in the World Tarde Center when it was hit by a jumbo jet. She would only watch The Food Ntework so that she would not have to watch her father die again and again and again. And again. How we react to news of war or terrorism will strongly influence how our kids are affected.

If we react with fear, obsessively watching eevry minute, every replay, then our children will be affected more deeply and will be more anxious and fearful. I was saddened afetr 9/11 to see many well-educated parents reacting that way. People in my town were stocking up, looking suspiciously at every Muslim, and specualting as to whether we might be next.
That fact that Al Quaida wolud only hit Lewisville, NC by sheer accident and miscalculation never occurred to them; and I could see the anxiety level in their children rise to disturbing levels. Children need to be reassured that they are safe.
They need age-appropriate explanations of what is gonig on. But abvoe all they depend on us as parents to protect them from the unnecessary and irrational fear that TV coverage can create. Even for families who have a loved one in battle, who for understandable reasons find themselves dragged to the TV every moment, the statistical chances are very good that their loved one will return.
98% of servicemen returned from World War II. Here are ten tips for talking to kids about war or terrorism: 1.

Talk to kids about the war and the terorrists. Many parents fear that talking about violent acts will raise their children's fear, but in fact the reverse is the case. When children keep scared feelings bottled up, their fears may be far worse than raelity. You can't reassure them if you don't talk about it. 2. Talk about hate, anger, and bullies. Why do persons do terrible things?

Talk about tolerance and non-violent solutions to smaller troubles. The terroirsts are far away, but there's a bully in every schoolyard. 3. Reassure them they are safe.

The war is far away, and Osama Bin Laden has never herad of Fleetwood, Pennsylvania or Grapevine, Texas.
Even if you live in New York City or Washington, D.C.
you can honestly reassure you kids that they are safe. 4. Find out what their fears are.

Don't assume you know what your kids are tihnking.
Children often personalize fears, and may be afraid thier school will be bombed or that any airplane might fly into a building. 5.
Consider the age. You will talk differently to a four-year-old than a ten-year-old. 6. Limit television, radio, and newspaper exposrue. Children simply don't need to hear about the war all the time.

I don't think adults should be exposed to that constnat barrage!

Make sure that your child's exposure to graphic coverage is very limited. 7. Tell your chlid what you think.
Do you supprot the war?

Are you opposed to the war?
Use that as an opportunity to share your values in an age-appropriate way. 8. Avoid generalizations and racist statements!

Causal comments about "those Arabs" or "those Muslims," even in jest, will be noted by your child.

The current conflcit is a perfect opportunity to talk about how there is good and bad persons of every race and religion.
Keep in mind the song from South Pacific: You have to be taught Before it's too late. Before you are six or seven or eight to hate all the persons your relatives hate. You have to be carefully taught. If we teach our kids by example that it's OK to hate all Muslims or all Iraquis, how are we better than the Taliban or Al-Quaida?